There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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