found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
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you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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