I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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