he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
