I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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