Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
