And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
