This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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