Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
