Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
40s are totally the cure
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
