Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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