I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
