I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
pray to the hookup gods
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
