went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
