Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
