mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
