i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
