Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
