New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
