I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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