I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
