wanna go halves on a baby?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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