now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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