i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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