John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
