You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you inspire me to be a worse person
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
