if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
