i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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