I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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