The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
