hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Randomize
