Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
