I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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