seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
