I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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