It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
