That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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