I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
