It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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