Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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