Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
