Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize