Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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