There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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