Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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