He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
