I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
