His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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