if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
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