There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i came on her dog
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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