yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
