Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
