I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Mom said you looked used
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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