When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
