weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
