Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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