You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
