i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
