hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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