This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
