You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
