I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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