this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
