am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
