I think I died a long time ago.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
