I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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