I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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