halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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