My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
