Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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