You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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