just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
