If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you never un-have a 4some
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
